Grace Daily Archives

I Just Learned This About Narcissists…

I imagine most of us have occasionally not heard from someone in reply to us we had as hoped. How many times have you wondered when you’d hear back BUT never did? I know I’ve experienced this. Each time I’ve been surprised knowing them as I do (based on our relationship). I expected better of them. I NEVER dreamed I was dealing with a narcissist, but as it turned out, sadly it proved itself out without any doubt😳

Everyone knows all about being “busy,” so not being in touch for chronic busyness is no excuse. It’s well-recognized people do the things they personally feel are most important to them. All the ‘important’ things are even documented for all to see on their social media!

✔️Easy-peasy Solution: If needed, scheduling an agreed-upon timeslot in advance solves the ‘too busy’ challenge for meet-ups, gatherings, any form of communication/correspondence for everyone. Done👍🏻

It’s a fact technology (texts, email, notifications, etc) may not be 100% reliable — but contact can always be made by those who desire to do so. Conversations, gatherings and civil discussions can happen.

Yet when ‘no response’ is all we get back, especially when we know we would reply, we’re left wondering🤷‍♀️But that is the point: we are “who” we are and they (the narcissists) are not us. Everyday examples abound…

Relatives: Your request for a 5-minute FaceTime with a sibling goes ignored. A phone call/VM or text to a relative is repeatedly unanswered. Out-of-town relatives reliably avoid visiting, even when regularly traveling through your area.

Gift Recipient: No acknowledgement or thank you for a gift, any kind gesture or beautiful flowers is received — no matter how extraordinary, without your contacting them to see if it ever arrived🤨…and to verify it was delivered “ok” because you couldn’t know.

Work-related: The only thing you hear back from your follow-up email to a fellow creative who publicly indicated interest in your book project results in the sound of crickets.

Business/Legal: Often the narcissist will ignore or leave matters hanging when business or legal action is involved. This is especially true when a sign-off is required, which relinquishes control of something or someone.

Community Groups/Associations, etc: Emails, messages or correspondence to others in the group are largely ignored/never answered. If a great idea comes from you and is implemented, your contribution to the “group greater good” will not be acknowledged. The culture of the group, possibly seasoned with a dash of deep fear (masquerading as respect) of the heavy-handed, controlling leadership sets the tone for groupthink/reactions or lack of responsiveness.

✔️The Truth Is: it’s NOT you! In fact, it’s not even about you! It’s all about the other person and their deep desire as the narcissistic personality they are, to control everyone possible through manipulation, with their purpose of achieving their goals. This is “who” they are and how they roll. They are not about real, healthy relationships. Their eyes remain on the prize, which is their deepest desire.

✔️What I’ve Learned: According to the experts, a person engaging in behaviors like this is exhibiting NARCISSISTIC traits. Narcissism is recognized as a diagnosed PERSONALITY DISORDER. It is also a SPIRITUAL DISORDER.

This is NOT healthy. This disorder negatively impacts the narcissist’s own life and health. It also can have long-range negative impact through related destruction caused in the lives of all those around them. This damage can last for generations.

It’s important to note not all individuals exhibiting narcissistic tendencies or traits are truly narcissists. This is a condition that should be diagnosed by a medical professional. Many times people toss the label around as a derogative, or description of treatment they believe they are experiencing. Whether the person is a narcissist or is suspected to be one, the situation is negatively impactful to all.

Sadly, what is lost by these people can never be regained by any of us. We’ve all lost-out on time together, positive experiences, deeper relationships, happy memories that could last for at least a generation. Unfortunately for these sad, broken people, the end of their story is not a good one💔

👉🏻This I Know: Thankfully, the world is full of people who want to have healthy relationships, are respectful of others and capable of genuinely caring♥️ Don’t let your spirit be hurt by one who is incapable of truly caring about anyone else but themselves and addressing their immediate needs, with no concern for breaking hearts — no matter who the person is in your life❤️‍🩹

♥️ I’d love to send you a copy of my book “Rekindling Connections: A Guide to Nurturing Meaningful Relationships” absolutely FREE! I wrote this book to help us all build healthy, meaningful relationships… Whether you’re looking to deepen existing relationships or create new ones, this guide provides the tools and inspiration to make every connection count. Start your journey to richer, more fulfilling relationships today!

👉🏻Get your copy here: https://rekindlingconnectionsguide.broken2breakthrough.com

❤️‍🩹ALSO Available: Selected REAL LIFE Resources to Help You Transform Life, One Relationship at a Time (LOTS Of FREEBIES & Some Items For Purchase): https://bio.site/BeckyCortino

What Does It Look Like to YOU When Someone Shows Patience or Grace?

When someone shows patience and extends grace, don’t automatically think they’re a pushover or weak.

Granted, that’s a rare sight these days😃Some people may not even know how to deal with someone being so kind! Just look around, and you’ll see what I mean…

Instead of thinking what a dope or weakling they are, see the strength in what they are doing — and how they’re doing it!

It takes a LOT more strength to resist arguing, being rude or talking back to others and extending UNwarranted grace to someone who, by all accounts, isn’t worthy (it seems) to receive forgiveness.

This peaceful practice and actively living life with love and grace, placing Jesus at the center, helps make the world a better place♥️ You know it does!

Look around and note how much of this you see daily and what other types of (undesirable) behaviors tend to stand out.

NEW Year — NEW YOU!

Happy New Year! As much as we believe things have changed even in the last year, if we’re truly honest with ourselves, many important things that trouble us most remain the same (or possibly they are worse).

Relationships rank high on the list of human needs. When things go awry, life becomes more difficult, we are less free to be ourselves, and to enjoy the company and special times with those near and dear that give life deeper meaning and greater joy.

As we come into the New Year with thoughts of a fresh start, renewal, and hopeful possibility, this is a great time to consider how we might work toward restoration, repairing brokenness and loving others more radically — perhaps as never expected.

Emotions reliably stir as we enter a New Year. Reviewing the last 365 days, happy memories come to mind. They warm us in the January chill. They give us hope for the days ahead.

Painful thoughts inevitably come on the heels of bliss-filled remembering, coloring our yesterdays in darker hues. They remind us of where we’ve been. If we allow, they’ll dictate where we’ll stay in the days stretching out before us.

At the dawning of a new year, many becoming misty-eyed reflecting on events of the recent past. Reviewing mountaintop moments, great joys, incredible accomplishments, happy times, they also carefully inspected their disappointments, tragedies, setbacks, and personal shortcomings. We’ve all experienced sweet moments and difficult times over the last 10 years!

Hope for the days ahead fuels beautiful dreams of what is yet to be. It can be a way forward for us, as a catalyst for the change we hope to live. Not just in personal improvement, but also in life and our broken relationships.

Winston Churchill said: “The farther back you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see.” There is wisdom in these words. Applied properly, considering past events can give us perspective on important life matters.

Reviewing what got us to where we are is an integral step in making essential life changes. Dwelling on the past promises to hold us there. Steeping in the sadness of overwhelm immobilizes us. As much as we desire to escape the unrelenting pain, we will remain stuck.

‘Understanding’ or trying to figure out a troubling relational situation can be helpful, but a clear view of a matter is not always possible. Things happen in life we’ll never understand. Lingering too long in trying to make sense of what doesn’t, holds us back on what is yet to be, or who we may become.

It’s important to look back and learn from the past. In fact, “history” can never truly be erased — because it happened😉It can be and is an insightful source of understanding and learning for our lives.

Thinking it’s all “in the past,” by complacently believing we can ‘shelve’ it because it’s unimportant, or we can’t do anything about a relational break, never addresses the issue. It remains, glaring at us, impatiently awaiting attention, even when we can rightfully claim “no fault” in causing the incident.

Focusing on the past can keep us stuck in the place we want to free ourselves from. Don’t dwell on it, friend😊Instead, look to the possibilities ahead and relationships to be mended. Our future is not found in our past. Our future may in part be shaped by what has happened, but going back to linger too long is not the direction to focus on, as we look to move ahead.

ZigZiglar said: “How you see the future is much more important than anything that has happened in your past.” In other words, the past may shape us and to an extent “the now, “ but it does not dictate our everyday — unless we allow it.

Our dreams, hopes and desires for a brighter, better future and strong relationships with others are always possible. How do you see these things in your life? I’m hoping for more rekindled friendships and restored broken places this new year!

Eventually we realize ‘letting go’ of the thing (NOTE: not the person — unless it involves abuse or risks personal safety) that binds us to an impossible situation is the only way to move forward. We know we will stay stuck otherwise. Grace for the matter (and those involved) is required. A change of heart in us is what’s needed. That’s where the transformation to live more in love and freely extending grace begins.

Of all the changes and good things we hope for in this New Year, may we enter the days ahead filled with the hope of things that are possible.

We can begin to take steps toward relational restoration and reclaiming needed peace and joy in life. May we embrace the adventure we call life by living a truly radical life. May it often contradict conventional thinking (by the world’s standards), as we set our intentions to live in love and walk in grace every minute of every day.

Through a changed heart, we see things differently. When the pain is too piercing to continue, hanging on to it becomes too great. Then we can see our way clear of it. This is the path to #forgiveness and by following it, we are on our way to restoring life’s broken places♥️I’m on the Road to Forgiveness too — are you with me?

More about forgiveness and building healthy relationships:

♥️See “What if tomorrow never comes”: https://youtu.be/IheYohCcjT 8

If you only read 1 book this year — I recommend reading RESTORING THE BROKEN PLACES IN AN UNFORGIVING WORLD, to help you build healthy relationships and mend life’s broken places!

Restoring the Broken Places in an Unforgiving World is available for sale in any bookstore — your favorite local shop, indie, brick-and-mortar! Ask for it, if you don’t see it, please!

Available on Amazon:

📖Paperback: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08LJ9TL3L/

📱Kindle eBook: https://www.amazon.com/Restoring-Broken-Places-Unforgiving-World-ebook/dp/B08KFNWVST/

📖📚☕️Retailers and Online Booksellers: https://www.restoringthebrokenplaces.com/livradpublishing-featured-author-becky-cortino/

New Beginnings

The New Year stretches out before us as a clear slate of fresh beginnings, great opportunities, hopes, dreams and wonders to be discovered…

What do you hope for in your life? The New Year is recognized as the time in our calendar year as a season for everything becoming new again. Fortunately for all of us, fresh starts and new beginnings aren’t scheduled only for January 1st!

New Beginnings are launched when we take steps in the right direction toward our heartfelt desire.

Relationships rank high on most people’s priority list, and yet this area remains as one of life’s most daunting challenges. Our days become complicated as we attempt to navigate through issues, desire to deftly address touchy issues and try to smooth over painful moments.

Have you added relationships to your list to focus on in the New Year? Many people place relationships at the top of their list. They begin their initiative armed with all good intentions and great resolve to deal with troubling relational messes.

Often, the thought of approaching a pain-filled area in life causes even the most resolute to freeze in place. Immobilized, the whole situation becomes increasingly more confusing as hurt, deep sorrow and bad memories blend into a chaotic mix. Progress in moving toward resolution comes to a screeching halt. Fear sets in. Where to begin? How to handle this? I just can’t do this!

Seeking to address relational breaks requires us to revisit times and places we’d prefer to keep on a shelf somewhere safely out of sight. In reviewing those breaks, the deep root of a problem inevitably stirs powerful emotions.

It’s difficult to cast aside the happy life we’ve comfortably surrounded ourselves with, to make time and create space for mending a break or to admit a wrong. But take heart! In our walk with Him, God often takes us through life’s dark, rough terrain before we arrive on the other side with Him, where we find true peace and the joy we seek.

How can you embrace New Beginnings in your life and effectively apply them to restoring broken relationships?

Recognize the situation for what it is in reality — not what you think, or how you feel about it. Admit it exists. See it for what it is.

Pray about the matter, all involved and touched by it. Ask God for a clear vision of the problem, and for His guidance in addressing it. He will change your heart in every aspect surrounding this issue! When we change our heart about a painful situation, our eyes see it more clearly.

Seek His guidance throughout. He is always with us. He stands beside us and will bring us through. We have to be willing participants wherever He leads us. We have to do our part — to do the hard things. He makes the way clear for us.

Let your reset heart redirect your mind, acting as a spiritual GPS, directing you where to go. Begin taking steps toward resolution, as the Lord leads you in that direction. His restoration will be far more complete and well beyond what you could ever imagine!

Forgiveness and restoring life’s broken places takes time.

When we want to restore a relationship or fix a problem in life, it helps to remember it is a process. It’s never a one-and-done or easy peasy cure for what ails us relationally. Sometimes it takes a lifetime. But forgiveness is possible.

Let the Holy Spirit lead you in this. Don’t take personal initiative to map out your relational restoration plan or detail this project on your calendar. This is a matter of the heart — carry it with you. Let the matter (and those involved) come to your mind frequently. Allow it to be laid on your heart and cover all with prayer.

Every small step you make toward restoration is a step forward.

Progress is made, moving toward that hope. Realize relationships involve more than “self,” so moving forward (or not) rests also in the hands of other(s). They may not wish to relinquish their control or admit wrong. Our heartfelt endeavors to restore broken places shaped by the Lord’s leading, will us free of our pain.

RESOURCES:

♥️ Read More about Forgiveness

❤️‍🩹 Becky Wants to Know: What is your #1 Forgiveness question/concern/challenge/problem?

MEDIA:

🎧 Listen to this content on LivRad The Podcast with Becky Cortino — on Your Fav Podcast Platform on App!

🍏 Apple Podcast episode here

🎯 Spotify Podcast episode here

📺 YouTube Podcast episode here

Loving Through Imperfect Hospitality

The heart of imperfect hospitality is offered in love, to encourage and give comfort. Hospitality doesn’t come easy, but it isn’t difficult…

What a blessing to spend time, share life and discuss adventures when we gather with others! Afterward, we wonder why don’t I spend more time enjoying company? It’s easy to get caught up in our daily routine and miss life-enriching moments. A nagging “To Do” List captivates our attention. Making preparations for having company isn’t always on the list.

Hospitality doesn’t come easy, but it isn’t difficult. Perceived urgency of things we need to do weighs heavily on us. We feel overwhelmed with everything on our plate. Adding a new thing displaces something else already planned. Because we make hospitality grander then it needs to be in our heads, we keep ourselves from enjoying more beautiful moments in our lives.

Opportunities to show gracious hospitality arise when we cross paths with others. It may be as simple as warmly welcoming someone to an event or engaging in conversation. A kind introduction helps newcomers join an ongoing conversation.

Sometimes hospitality opportunities are dropped in our laps. Our latest experience was having family live with us for almost 1-1/2 years. This indeed was a time for imperfect hospitality in action because it was impromptu hosting from beginning to end!

If you had family (or others) living with you during the pandemic and worked full-time, you remember the drill. Each day brought changing protocols, new mandates, dwindling food supplies and staples impacting households everywhere. (Who knew toilet paper was so valuable?) Maybe like us, you felt the increased weight of responsibility for providing for those under your roof as shortages continued. We all pressed on through those uncertain days.

We had “company” when our youngest son and his new wife lived with us during the pandemic. For 16 months running, all efforts were made to help them settle in comfortably. With our family’s work and school schedule, my main focus was gathering nightly for a family meal. This gave us the opportunity to spend some personal time away from pressing matters.

We had 3 reasons for planning our daily family evening meal:

It is our family’s tradition.
Gathering gave us a space of time together.
This would likely be one of the last times we could spend time together in such an intimate, meaningful way.

Meshing schedules proved challenging. For the first 9 months of sheltering in, I was the last one awake (in the wee hours) finishing things needing to be done; and the first one up in the early morning, setting up for the day.

For 4 months I worked full-time, as I prepared for a speaking conference. After putting in 8-9 hours straight through the day, I spent about 2 hours making dinner, followed by another 2 hours of cleanup (most nights). It was a full, exhausting day, but I was dedicated to having this important time together. It was worth it.

My conference was postponed when gathering mandates were enacted. I worked intensively during the next 6 months preparing for it. In the end, respecting my family’s concerns for bringing COVID home, I didn’t attend the rescheduled conference. I did accomplish a lot during those 10 months!

My husband and I remained committed to providing a roof over our children’s heads, keeping them safe, providing food for them. This is the kind of loving hospitality a parent willingly provides. Our school and work schedules changed somewhat during the summer, but we continued to gather.

Getting adequate rest was challenging for everyone! Focusing on our evening meal mission helped, especially in the face of adversity as satan attempted to disrupt our family’s lives. I realize now I was also battling burn-out, after launching my book RESTORING THE BROKEN PLACES IN AN UNFORGIVING WORLD.

We continued serving food, providing hospitality, love, wisdom, support and encouragement in the face of the unknown. I believe this is the heart of imperfect hospitality — offered in love, to encourage and give comfort. It is offered from the heart with the hope of comforting. In this situation it was my husband and I assuring our children of the beautiful future God has planned for them.

I’m grateful for every moment our family had during this challenging time. It was a blessing to serve them in this way. Living a faith-based life assures us our heavenly Father is greater than our circumstances. He is the solution to all pressing problems. In His undeniable love, He never leaves us to deal with challenges on our own. He brought our family through those dark days.

The beautiful future God planned for all of our children is dawning. We know our prayers are being answered in amazing ways for them!

Open your heart for gracious gatherings with imperfect hospitality.

OPEN YOUR HEART WITH THIS TOOLBOX FOR GRACIOUS GATHERINGS WITH IMPERFECT HOSPITALITY:

Preparing favorite meals and special foods for restricted diets and preferences is thoughtful and welcoming.

Give guests a taste of your family’s life by serving family favorites to new family members or visitors from other countries, along with a generous helping of backstory of why the dish is so popular or special memories associated with it.

Pray ahead for the gathering, asking each to be blessed.

Try to get rest beforehand.

Keep arrangements simple, so they are not all-consuming.

Focus on creating a warm, welcoming environment.

No matter how simple, offer it all in love.

Cover all (including your efforts) with grace — things don’t always turn out as planned!

Memories will be made through your efforts of graciously offered (yet) imperfect hospitality.

MORE:

The Bible provides guidance on opening our hearts and homes.

Are you (or someone you know) experiencing challenges in the wake of COVID? You May be interested in reading: How Are YOU… Really?